Friday, September 4, 2015

The Maker Profile by Wallace MacGregor

"The Maker. Our newest fascination with a leather clad bearded hipster wallet making craftopian. After liberal arts college dropout Micah traveled through Costa Rica on a gluten free expedition, he spent a few weeks on his cousin Brenda's couch in PDX researching airport carpets and the affects on travelers of sub-saharan African heritage. Micah said it was important work and he was being commissioned by grant monies generated from a government research fund for sons of left-handed longshoreman. Micah had a drive to craft the best wallet known to man. He sought sustainable materials and holistic sewing contractors and vegan-only designers and publicly decreed it so. He built tri-folds and bi-folds and upside down folds and a line for women, too. He branded it perfectly flawed and set out to PR the world to its knees and succeeded. Micah had built an elaborate structure of subs and contractors and held a few well-paid in quinoa and kale chip employees that were fiercely loyal and would fight Donald Trump's hair at the drop of a hat. Micah revered the sewing needle and would spew forth repugnant core-bonded thread knowledge at his later-night tapas parties with craft cocktails served in mason jars and stirred with a hatchet recently stained with sap from a doug fir. His friends were engrossed in Micah's splendor and the local magazines lust for more Micah, even so far as to censor Bernie Sanders' latest speech to a paragraph of obscurity. The beat lived on for 3 years of snowballing leather dust and a pop-up shop fell from the sky to turn into a retail phenomenon on the Alberta corridor where the line-ups for frozen dairy began to look like a crowd at a passé sporting event. All this next to Micah where his Honduran grown cotton fair trade sans child labor crew neck ($69) hung vibrantly from vintage rusted pipes repurposed from the school where his mom's cousin's uncle Jim went to school. Every turn told a story of triumph and the message became more than the product and soon a new Micah appeared with fairer trade cotton from a land where Nat Geo might have written about and it became too hip not to be bearded and so Micah sold out to his employees in what was known as the right thing to do always."

-Wallace MacGregor, 2015

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